I ask my kids to do stupid things. I’m a mom, that’s my job, it’s what I do. I understand that kids have an easy enough time embarrassing themselves, but I often feel the need to aid in this process. I blame my mother 100%. The number of times my mother has embarrassed me by showing up at my work dressed in bizarre costumes and acting like a lunatic in public is a number I lost track of long before I even hit 21. I come by it naturally, obviously. Now before anyone gets their panties in a bunch because I take
serious joy in humiliating my kids, let take a moment to discuss this. Kids are simple and vulnerable. Admit it, they are. Not a single parent, aunt, uncle, or grandparent hasn’t used this fact to satisfy their own comic needs. Grown-ups are pure evil like that, and we love it! We make kids shove marshmallows in their mouth and say “chubby baby”. We make them say “truck” over and over again because it comes out as “fuck”. We make them do silly dances as we record them, and promptly post in on the internet for the world to see.
If we engage our kids in this kind of embarrassment and humiliation while they are young, they end up being well rounded jokers as they get older. In short, they play along! Congratulations, you have just raised a kid who can laugh at themselves and make light of every day situations. Seriously though, what’s better than that? I love the fact that my kids will now play along with all the stupid things i have running through my head. Granted, my daughter plays along more than my son because she loves attention, but my son now understands what is really going on. He enjoys it, not for the attention, but because it makes people laugh.
My daughter has a friend…who is a boy. They have regular play dates each week. This makes me happy and
fucking scared at the same time. If this continues through high school and college, I may have already met my future son-in-law. But hey, there could be worse prospects for this position.
When the Mothership goes down, all bets are off.
Hark! The After School Program Apocalypse is finally over!!! No more asking friends to watch my kids after school or, my boss’s favorite part, no more having them come to work with me!!! A truly joyous day! To celebrate I wrote a bus note, naturally.
“Do you hear the people sing? Singing the song of angry men? It is the music of a people who shall not be slaves again! When the beating of your heart, echoes the beating of the drums, there is a life about to start when tomorrow comes!” (Les Miserables)
This is what I woke up singing this morning because the after school program is back on! *does the running man and high fives all the other parents* I will no longer feel bad for my poor unsuspecting friends who have to deal with the insatiable fighting intense diversity between my two urchins children. I will now stand tall with my proud mom flag flying, on my pedestal of glee, and announce:
“I hereby declare the after school apocalypse to be over! Let it be known that from this day forward, Theo and Pheobe will joyfully delight Kate and Ella in the Camp Coniston After School Program! Where they take out their homework frustrations on someone other than myself, and be thoroughly and utterly exhausted upon pickup! Hip, hip, hooray!”
On a side note, I said if all went well over the weekend, there would be pictures. So here is Theo in a bow tie. Please don’t tell him I showed you, or he may never speak to me again.
Thank you, Brandi (aka: Mom)
A note from last week.
“Being a girl is difficult. Being a girl in a boy dominated grade school is down right maddening at times. Despite being part of the minority, Pheobe continues to push forward in her world of unicorns and rainbows. Today she will subject “Cheese Mustache” and her brother to this glittery world of make believe at “Cheese’s: house. Thank you, Brandi (aka Mom)”