When I talk about my vagina I refer to it as “she” and “her”. I understand this is not “normal” behavior, but it’s my behavior, and I’m ok with that. I can’t tell you how many times people have asked me why I refer to my vagina as her own person. Don’t judge me. My answer is, simply put, because SHE is. Let me explain my rational to you.

Think about it, a vagina is…well…have you ever tried to talk to a vagina? The amount of coaxing and urging she needs to do…well…anything! Despite what your brain wants her to do, she is basically going to do whatever she damn well pleases. Pretty sure that’s a woman thing in general. You’re on a date with an amazingly beautiful person. Sparks are flying. A connection is made. You lean in for the kiss and suddenly there is a flood Noah’s arc couldn’t even handle. A few months later, you’re on another date. Sparks are flying. A connection is made. You lean in for the kiss and…nothing. You’re suddenly so dry tumble weeds just blew across your vagina.

She bleeds…pretty much whenever she feels it fits her schedule. So what if she’s three days early?!?! The 27th obviously wasn’t going to work for her. Besides, she’s 35 fucking years old! Who’s got time for punctuality at 35 after pushing out two kids? Not her, that’s for sure.

Then you have special cases, like mine. I mean special in the nicest way possible. She’s been through a lot. Sex, rape, kids, sex, fingers, sex, abuse, timeouts, sex, dry spells, sex. Let’s just say she’s “sensitive”. Not a huge fan of strangers, understandably. They tend to be either too rough or too gentle or too small. Any time there is a new person, she basically stands up, turns around, and runs away screaming “STRANGER DANGER!!!” I all but have to grab her by the scruff, haul her back, and shove her back in place. Toddlers are more agreeable than my vagina. It’s exhausting, but we have been working through it.

My vagina is her own person. Making evil plots against me while I sleep. Sneering at my date from across the table. She’s wicked and wonderful all at the same time. She is her own person, and I shall continue to treat her as such because my vagina’s pronoun is SHE.