Mommy Undressed

Drop Off Line Twats

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by

Brandi
in

I long for the day when the drop off line at school is nothing but a distant memory. When I can sit back and reminisce about all the times I almost got out of my car and stabbed people for treating the drop off line like the entryway to their house. When I can rejoice in never having to watch mother’s clothe their children in the car, shove poptarts down their throats because of piss poor time management at home, or just sit and have a casual conversation with the 10 kids sitting in the backseat ever again.

Until then I will have to continue sitting through the daily agony of the drop off line. Teaching my own children the beautiful art of cursing someone out when they can’t even hear me and daydreaming about following certain people home and slashing their tires for being drop off line twats. Every day the same people mess it up for the rest of us. They sit, blissfully numb, in their minivans and Subaru Foresters as they pull up in front of the school, turn their engines off don’t tell me they are trying to save the environment, get out of the driver’s seat, pull school projects out of the trunk, jam lunch boxes in backpacks, brush wayward hairs from faces, and pull fairy dust out of their ass before they finally get back in the driver’s seat and drive off in a puff of glitter and purple clouds.

To them, the drop off line is a time for gathering thoughts and belongings before sending their young on their merry way. For the rest of us, the drop off line is for dropping kids off and getting the hell out of dodge! The majority of parents rolling through the drop off line have their kids fully dressed, armed with lunches, school projects piled high on their laps, and ready for departure. Most kids are lucky parents even come to a full and complete stop when letting them out. I am sure I am not the only one tempted to slow down to a crawl, and let my kid tuck and roll into the schoolyard.

So, if you’re a drop off line twat, quit it. Get your kids ready before you leave the house like the rest of us, and stop doing whatever it is you’re doing in the car. Learn some time management skills, stop treating your kids like little morons who can’t do anything for themselves, and kick those little shits out of the car already!!! Because the truth is, the rest of us know who the repeat offenders are, and have come to the conclusion that you make every morning feel like a Monday morning.

Comments

6 responses to “Drop Off Line Twats”

  1. Nicole Avatar
    Nicole

    While I haven’t spawned and maybe I won’t. I still loathe the drop off line twats because they’re the same people that sit at green lights turned around into their backseat doing who knows what and holding up rush hour traffic. Every. Damn. Day.

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  2. Sydnie Avatar
    Sydnie

    OMG! Loved this! As a teacher who did morning duty in the parent parking lot this year, you have hit the nail on the head. I have almost been run over, I have been screamed at by parents (who apparently are on the same fairy dust) that they don’t have to follow the rules, I watch parents get out of the car while they have backed up traffic out the parking lot and out into the street….dress the monsters, kiss the monsters, soothe the monsters and attend to the monsters. I have had parents park ON THE CROSSWALK to let kids out, and when I go to speak to them they refuse to roll down their windows and acknowledge me. I had even one parent that left an infant IN THE CARSEAT in the back of the car, next to where I stand (IN the line of traffic) while she walked her child to the front of the school building. (The parking lot is on the side). And when it rains…all bets are off. You would think that mankind melts when it rains. All rules are thrown out the window, and chaos ensues. So yes…the twats need to adjust their behavior. Roll up, let the kid get out with all their belongings, and hit the road.

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  3. Craig Mercier Avatar
    Craig Mercier

    I bet you these are the same people who park their vehicles just outside the store entrance, have someone run inside to pickup a few items, because they are too damn lazy to park the car in a parking spot like everyone else. OH, and they are probably the people who park in a loading and unloading zone because the only need to run inside to get their lunch that they ordered 10 minutes ago. This reminds me of the same people we would see on Parking Wars who got a ticket for parking where they shouldn’t. I wish I owned a tow truck because these people would pay my kid’s way through college.

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  4. Author of Craigisms Avatar
    Author of Craigisms

    I bet you these are the same people who park their vehicles just outside the store entrance, have someone run inside to pickup a few items, because they are too damn lazy to park the car in a parking spot like everyone else. OH, and they are probably the people who park in a loading and unloading zone because the only need to run inside to get their lunch that they ordered 10 minutes ago. This reminds me of the same people we would see on Parking Wars who got a ticket for parking where they shouldn’t. I wish I owned a tow truck because these people would pay my kid’s way through college.

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  5. John Avatar
    John

    My kids aren’t at the “drop off line” just yet (it’s coming), but even I know it’s “get the fuck in, get the fuck out.” Heck, if you can safely expel a child from the car without coming to a full stop, all the better! Haven’t these people watched Mr. Mom?!

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