Telework Chronicles 2020

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Today was day one of teleworking for me and virtual classroom for the kids. We had a few hiccups, the teenager somehow missed “missed” math class, and the tween forgot half his stuff when he went to his mother’s. However, I would consider today an overall success.

People on the internets have been joking around calling their children and pets coworkers, a theme I highly enjoy and will obviously take part in. Before I do, I will introduce you to my cast of characters in case you need some sort of reference in the future.

CAST OF CHARACTERS

Coworkers: Three kids ranging in age from 11 to 13. Each varying in their own level of obnoxious, gross, but someone cunningly wonderful.

Office Security: Two idiot dogs obsessed with barking at potential dangers from outside the house and napping.

Office Assistant: One not-so-tiny baby goat full of mischief and mayhem.

Vice President: My husband

Day One

The new office setup went surprisingly well. Only two of my coworkers were here today, and they mostly kept to themselves. One of them is a bit of an overachiever. She showed up for work 30 minutes early and then spent the morning bragging about her writing ability. I have to say though, she is an amazing writer. I might have to steal some of her work at some point and pass it off as my own. My other coworker claimed to have a meeting at one point. I’m guessing it was a meeting about purchasing because he kept yelling about medical kits and being in the wrong house. I’ve asked him to keep his purchasing meeting scheduled at the end of the day to help avoid distractions for the rest of the staff.

I was a bit worried about the office security staff at one point. In the past they have been known to be a bit high strung and kind of obnoxious. However, I didn’t realize how much they napped all day! At one point they did come around to do a security walk through. one of them ate the cat food and the other one ate the cat turds.

The office assistant is really pushy. He is always trying to break into the snack room and steal treats. I’ve decided I should start hiding the treats just to see what he does. I think he figured it out earlier today when I hid the treats in the kitchen, because he tried to break in there too. I will have to find better hiding places in the future.

Overall, the new setup is working well. No day drinking happened, so I consider that a win, and no one was crying by the end of the day. Tomorrow my third coworker comes and will be sitting next to me, so I can’t promise the “no day drinking” thing will continue, but there is hope.

Kids Do Stupid Things…I Make Them

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I ask my kids to do stupid things. I’m a mom, that’s my job, it’s what I do. I understand that kids have an easy enough time embarrassing themselves, but I often feel the need to aid in this process. I blame my mother 100%. The number of times my mother has embarrassed me by showing up at my work dressed in bizarre costumes and acting like a lunatic in public is a number I lost track of long before I even hit 21. I come by it naturally, obviously. Now before anyone gets their panties in a bunch because I take serious joy in humiliating my kids, let take a moment to discuss this. Kids are simple and vulnerable. Admit it, they are. Not a single parent, aunt, uncle, or grandparent hasn’t used this fact to satisfy their own comic needs. Grown-ups are pure evil like that, and we love it! We make kids shove marshmallows in their mouth and say “chubby baby”. We make them say “truck” over and over again because it comes out as “fuck”. We make them do silly dances as we record them, and promptly post in on the internet for the world to see.

If we engage our kids in this kind of embarrassment and humiliation while they are young, they end up being well rounded jokers as they get older. In short, they play along! Congratulations, you have just raised a kid who can laugh at  themselves and make light of every day situations. Seriously though, what’s better than that? I love the fact that my kids will now play along with all the stupid things i have running through my head. Granted, my daughter plays along more than my son because she loves attention, but my son now understands what is really going on. He enjoys it, not for the attention, but because it makes people laugh.
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