As many of you know BF and I don’t get an awful lot of alone time. He works midnights and I go to school all day. He needs his alone time and I need mine. Then you add 4 kids coming and going all the time. Let’s just say things are bit crazy at best. So I was surprised the other day when I got home (on a day my kids were with the donor) to find BF asleep on the couch. I quickly ripped off all my clothes and snuggled up to BF.
I have 2 cats, Captain and Blur, both of which are spoiled rotten.
No thanks to BF. I have raised both since they were kittens. They have always been my babies. That is until BF came into the picture. Now when I get home there are no cats to be seen, but when BF gets home…..guess who’s sitting by the front door!
Now back to the story:
So there I am, all curled up cozy with BF on the couch, when suddenly who should appear? You guessed it, one of the cats, Blur to be exact. He climbed up and nestled himself between the 2 of us, in what little room there was. This is was all well and good until said cat decided that, all of a sudden, he missed me. Blur slinked his way up to our shoulders…reached a paw out…and started making muffins on my head.
Because obviously making muffins on someone’s head will make them love you after you’ve ignored them for 6 months. Needless to say, I was NOT impressed or wooed by this sudden act of affection. Instead I reached out and picked Blur up under the front legs.
Suddenly I could see evil little fuzzy thoughts going through his head. “I’m a rock, I’m a rock, I’m a rock. Be as heavy as possible so she can’t lift me.” It was like lifting a dead weight. “I’m a fuzzy boulder, you can’t move me woman!” Finally I prevailed! Take that cat! I win!
As I settled down again into my snuggle I could feel that BF was obviously ‘arroused’ by my type A take charge move on the cat. So I did what any other
in her 30’s/sexual prime woman would do, I reached down to give BF a proper wake-up.
Most people would think that this was a safe time where no kids would interrupt. This is also where most people would be wrong. Evidently, as we found out, a penis looks an awful lot like a scratching post. So there I am, with ‘BF’ in my hand and on Blur’s head apparently. *There are times when parents just feel wrong about sex, this would be one of them.*
So I lift Blur up. And his evil thoughts resume, “I’m a rock, I’m a rock. I’m a fuzzy boulder, you can’t move me woman.”
However, I prevail again! I win! Take that cat!
I resume my position, and a few minutes pass. No cat, we’re safe.
This is begining to feel oddly familiar to weekend nap time. So I venture south to take care of business, and its wonderful! In and out, in and out, in and…I don’t know if any of you have ever come face to face with a cat while you are visiting southern regions, but it’s not my most favorite thing in the world. My mother always told me not to talk with my mouth full so I practiced some American Cat Sign Language. *I shoved him out of the way making sure he didn’t dig his claws in BF. That would be a BAD chain of events!*
He’s gone and I resume…. But not for long. Once again I am face to face with this damn cat while I should be ‘focusing’ on other things. This is brilliant!
Me: Oh excuse me Blur, did I interrupt something?
Me: Go. Away.
Blur: *attempts to use BF as a scratching post once again.*
Me: *lifts cat up under the front legs*
Blur: *I’m a rock, I’m a rock. I’m a fuzzy boulder, you can’t move me woman!*
Me: *Flings cat across the room and yells* TAKE THAT! Only one pussy on the couch at a time!
So there. I ended up accomplishing my mission. I win you damn cat, don’t fuck with Mommy Undressed!
The next night I find myself face to face with a cat while on another southern excursion….. so yeah cat, you win.