I’m totally not good at blogging under pressure. It makes me vomit a little in my mouth to tell you the truth. But when @VivInterrupted tagged me in a post and threw down the gauntlet to tell everyone 10 things about me that maybe most people don’t know, I picked it up and gladly excepted the challenge! So here it is my small band of loyal readers, 10 things about me you may or may not want to know about your truly.

1. I am control freak. I try like crazy to keep it under control but it usually only ends up making me…well…a crazy person. I start to obsess over silly little things and blowing them way out of proportion. This causes me to get clingy and emotional. In short, a crazy person. Poor BF has experienced this first hand, and I owe him a million “thank you’s” for dealing with me so well and”I’m sorry’s” for every crazy thing that has flown out of my mouth.

2. I really am NOT a cook. My father said it best when  said, “She can’t even cook a bologna sandwich.” I can make one hell of an omelet from scratch but everything else really does require a detailed recipe that is easy to read and leaves little room for error. Example: the other day I made red chicken that tasted like mold. So yeah, figure that out in your brain.

3. I have a hard time taking sips of any kind of drink, hot or cold. It’s like my own personal little race against myself. As if I have to drink whatever it is as fast as humanly possible. I was awesome in drinking contests once upon a time.

4. I have a slight obsession with sex toys, complete with a ‘Mommy’s Toy Box’ full next to the bed. I like how they feel. I like the spice they bring to the bedroom. I like how they look. To me, they are works of art.

5. I dislike babies. They smell horrible and don’t sleep nearly enough for my liking. When I see new moms with their new borns my ovaries don’t ache for a baby, they rejoice in the knowledge that we never have to do that again! I had my two, did the whole co-sleeping thing, breastfed until my nipples fell off, wore them everywhere I went (still do), and loved every coo and first giggle. I even like swooning over everyone else’s babies, but if I found out I was pregnant again I would walk myself straight to the looney bin and find a nice padded room to rock in.

6. The B.R.A.T. (bananas, rice, apple sauce, toast) diet was created, not for people with the stomach flu, for me. I could live off it’s bland goodness every day for the rest of my life and feel like I was in heaven while doing it. Also, the B.R.A.T. diet goes great with a nice Pinot.

7. I am a huge fag hag. I would much rather have a bunch of gay men as friends than a bunch of women. At least when I’m being a cranky bitch they’ll tell me before they tell everyone around me.

8. At the age of 31 I finally got a college degree. It is a simple associates degree in general studies, but in 5 more months I will have another one just like it in liberal arts and sciences. And if my military education benefits hold out long enough, I should finally have my bachelors in 2013 when I am 33. Boo Yah bitches! *chest bump*

9. My sisters and I have the same dad but different moms. My brother and I have the same mom but different dads. We all grew up very differently, even my brother and I living in the same house, but we are 8 years apart which is more or less a lifetime when you are kids. Despite our differences in backgrounds and family lives, we have all intertwined nicely into the all new ‘American Family’ even though we have never all been in the same room at the same time or all met. They are my support more than they’ll ever know.

10. I don’t hold much back when it comes to my personal life. I learned at an early age, while in boarding school, that the more you hold back, the more room people have to spread rumors about you. My life is eclectic, complicated, unique, daring, and far from ordinary. I couldn’t make this stuff up, from losing my virginity in a sand box under a slide to conceiving my son in a gay bar with a straight man. And that’s me. And I tell it like it is. I can guarantee that my real life is much more interesting and elaborate than any rumor anyone can make up.

So there you go, my 10 things. Judge me if you will, but I’m like a train wreck and you just can’t look away. So I guess this means I need to tag some of my favorite bloggers and throw the gauntlet down at their feet. It’s your turn my fabulous bitches, what are 10 things we don’t know about you?

@WalMartGourmet

@asthehospitaltuRNs

@Crazy_Lady_Me

@lelly28461

@goodbadfamily