I found love last year. True love. And it was beautiful. And now its over. All those feelings, all those emotions, all those words…gone. Now they are all nothing but a memory. This mommy now finds herself treading water and looking over the horizon for dry land.
I don’t know if my love will return and I don’t know if I will find a love as great as the one that left. My only choice now is to push forward and find steady ground where my kids and I can grow.
My emotions come in waves. I feel a bit bipolar. One minute I’m laughing and the next, crying. Conflicting feeling of joy and grief come and go faster than high way traffic. I’m standing here confused with the world swirling around me. I know that this too shall pass, but for now I oddly bask in the hurt coupled with fear….and maybe some joy. I think its that very tiny piece of joy that enables me to bask. I don’t know where it comes from or what it is, but its become something to hold on to. My little light at the end of the tunnel.
I need this time alone (as much alone time as one can get with 2 kids). My kids need this time. By next year it will be just the 3 of us. No BF. No donor. Just us in this little town in Connecticut hours away from family. Everyone around us will have left. But we can do this. We will move on. We don’t have a choice.
To my love, thank for all the happy times. The comfort. The joy. The peace of mind. The companionship. The love. I wish you all the happiness in the world. You are still, and will always be, my friend. Thank you.