I understand that I am an unconventional mom. I encourage the minions to get dirty and play in the mud. Shit, I call them minions! I let them figure out ’cause and affect’ on their own. We all participate in pants off Friday, underwear still on. We have random dance parties and the occasional popcorn dinners in front of a pay-per-view movie. And the list goes on and on. Despite all the times I want to eat my children or sell them on the black market just for a moment of quiet, I’m actually a very attentive mom.

I may not be the strictest mom its hard to be when you’re a single mom but I am very observant almost to a fault. I usually know where the minions are and what they’re doing. I’ve perfected the art of stealth and can observe their goings on without them knowing. I don’t let them out of my sight other than at home or homes we visit often. It’s safe to say that I am an over protective mom when away from our ‘comfort zone’. After 5 years of mommyhood I am proud to say that I haven’t accidentally killed my children or left them to any situation that may result in a life altering injury. That was until today.

As parents we get lackadaisical and start doing things that we don’t normally do because those little bastards our kids have shown that they know better or we should know better (parents are never wrong). So that’s how my morning started. While we were outside waiting for Theo’s bus, the usual was going on…

*REMINDER: We live above an old gas station complete with a mechanics garage and used boat yard.*

……the minions were climbing in and out of small boats, pointing out letters on the gas pumps. Did I mention that I’m a bit unconventional? And then all attention shifted to the garage, especially the compressed air  So when Theo said, “Mommy, does the air still work?”

*side note: We have turned the air on many times before.*

“Well let’s find out!”

“Ok mommy!”

Did you know that minions can move faster than the blink of an eye? If you didn’t, now you know. You’re welcome. As I went to turn on the air both minions were standing off to the side. By the time it turned on Theo was standing, face first, in front of the air nozzle. Both minions turned around and ran crying when the blast of air came out. No big deal right? Right! Not until Theo turned around looking like he had been shot in the face with buck shot.

His face was covered in little rust colored dots! My first reaction, “It’s drizzling out, it’s just rusty water.” Think again mommy! Those little rusty spots were actual shards of rust stuck in his face!!!

*side note: its really hard to stay calm when your first born has shards of metal imbedded in his face*

Needless to say, Theo missed the bus and we went to the emergency room to make sure none of the rust got into his eye. I can’t believe that I actually put my child in that position. He could have lost an eye for crying out loud!!!! I almost blinded my son!!! Yikes!!! The entire way to the ER all he kept saying was “Mommy, you shot me in the face!!!”

*side note: NOT an easy thing to explain to doctors after your 5 yo makes that statement*

Already long story short, Theo came out of the ER with a clean bill of health. The little bastard guy somehow managed to close his eyes in time before all the rust blasted his eye balls. So yeah, my day started out with a severe bad mom moment. Since then I Theo has reminded me that I ‘shot him in the face’ and made it very clear that I am no longer allowed to turn on the compressed air while the minions are outside.

*side note: I am very surprised that I wasn’t put in time out for the rust blasting. Mommy wins?*