Little Golden Arches

Penis envy. It’s something us women know all to well. You men have it so easy with the exception of random hard ons being able to stand up and pee. You can pretty much whip it out and pee where ever you damn well please. From trees, to the backs of buildings, to side alleys. You can even pee into a soda bottle while driving and never have to stop. It’s unfair. This is why women have spent money trying to come up with different aperatuses that will bless us with the ability to pee while standing. Unfortunetly none of theses have eliminated the need to wipe.

As we women grow up we are reminded daily that we will never truly be able to join the ranks of men who can perform such a marvelous feat. We learn to deal with it, and move on with a smile knowing that there are certain things we can do that men cannot. Women may or may not remember back to the time they first whitnessed a man peeing standing up. Maybe you walked in on your father in the bathroom. Maybe some guy was peeing up against a tree at the campground. Maybe you were lucky enough to grow up with brothers constantly trying to perfect their name in the snow or simply showing off the fact that they don’t have to sit down and you do. <= This, is exactly what my poor daughter has to put up with every day.

Theo is constantly trying to pee on anything that will hold still long enough for him to do his business. And yes, he even peed on me from the porch one day. Pheobe will stand there and watch in wonder as Theo makes perfect little golden arches to unsuspecing plants and sidewalks. At 3 years old, she has already come to realise that this part of life is unfair.

As we stood outside the house waiting for the bus the other morning, Pheobe perked up and said she had to pee. Instead of running her inside like a normal mother I looked around for a tissue or napkin to help her squat behind a bush. As I frantically ripped apart the car, I heard one last desperate cry to go pee. Quickly I turned around only to hear these words fly out of my mouth, “Pheobe! You’re not a boy!!!” But it was too late. Her little blue pants were down around her ankles as she popped her little pelvis forward and commenced to pee on the side of the house. She looked up in glee at the fact that, she too, had made a perfect little golden arch that was now trickling down the stones. She had done it, and she couldn’t figure out why she hadn’t tried it before….until that little golden arch petered out and soaked her pants.

I wish I could say that she learned her lesson, but I can’t. Later that day, while at the playground, she almost tried it again resulting in BF and I both blurting my previous statement out in harmony. She’s stubborn, and there is no doubt in my mind she will, in fact, try it again.