Three Mother F*#king Days

Three Days. Three mother fucking days is all you get for bereavement time. It doesn’t matter who died, a parent, a spouse, or (heaven forbid) a child; all you get is three days. In three days you are supposed to grasp the fact that an immediate family member has passed away, organize their funeral/wake/memorial service/celebration of life, and get your ass back to work. Three mother fucking days. What cold, heartless twat fuck came up with that number?

I lost my father two weeks ago. He had been “sick” but I honestly didn’t think it was going to kill him. Actually, it wasn’t even his “illness” that killed him, it was complications after surgery. I called him on his birthday to sing a poor, yet loving, rendition of “Happy Birthday” as he chuckled in the hospital bed. We then talked about his second surgery scheduled for the next day, and I told him I would talk to him afterwards. Instead of talking to my father afterwards, I found myself driving three hours to the hospital to stand by my mother as we waited for the doctors to tell us good news. There was no good news. He had stopped breathing that morning, and two days later he was gone.

The next day was a Friday. I took it off, using personal time, because I wanted to be with my family. That Monday and Tuesday I was back at work, trying to pretend the most important man in my life hadn’t just left me. Why was I back so soon? Because I felt my three bereavement days were better spent at the end of the week when the funeral was. Those three days were a whirlwind. So many details, making sure my mother was ok, people, people, and more people. You don’t have time to grieve during that time. The only thing you have time for is spinning. And that’s exactly what I did, spin.

The spinning quickly turned into anger. So, for the past week all I have been is angry…at everything. My head wants to explode, my chest feels as if it may actually crush from anxiety, my body is exhausted, I’m messing up at work, I can’t sleep, and all I want to do is yell and blame people. However, I have to keep going because my three bereavement days are over and done with. I am now expected to “get over it” and “carry on” with my everyday life. Enough sulking, Brandi. Pull your head out of your ass and grieve on your own time.

I am a strong person. Some would say I am an extremely strong person. Yes, I cry at tv commercials and YouTube videos, but I am rock solid when it comes to my family. I am a mother, that is my job. I show the strength, courage, and fortitude needed to raise little humans. But my father dying…that totally rocked my world. I have no idea what to do, and I’m having trouble momming. I go through the daily motions because I’m supposed to, but with no honest effort. I’ve lost that desire. I thought getting back to our daily routine would help, but it hasn’t. Instead the anger and anxiety inside of me grows with each passing day. All because I only get three mother fucking days.

I’m hoping the holidays will whip the grief out of me. I plan to sit around, crying into my mashed potatoes as my kids wonder why mommy is falling apart. I mean, I have to get it out of my system somehow, so I might as well use my paid holidays to do so. *throws up double middle fingers at the twat fuck who decided three days was enough*

dad

5 thoughts on “Three Mother F*#king Days

  1. You know – I thought it seemed that you were “back at work” really, really quickly when this all happened. I should have known it was a corporate thing.

    I have a sliding scale for bereavement. 3 days for a parent, 2 weeks for a spouse or child. 1 day for “other family.”

    You are a strong fucking person. I admire you.

    And I’m so sorry for your loss.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I totally understand this. When my mom had surgery on 8/9/13 she ended up in ICU on a ventilator I was thankful the weekend was the next 2 days as I had started a new job and couldn’t take off. Then when she was moved to hospice I spun for that week and went to work, home and her bed side every day or every other day for work. As I was told they “understood”. She passed on 8/20 and I called out the next day to plan stuff or meet with funeral home. I planed for her funeral to be a Saturday early afternoon so I could have a day and half at least and it was hard to go back. Later that month the company let me go because I was on my phone a lot or gone more days then they liked. I then yelled at them that I was sorry my mom’s death wasn’t convenient for them. And I was on the phone taking phone calls from Dr and hospitals on my breaks. I might understand 3 days for and extended family member (cousin, aunt you may not be close with)but for a parent, sibling or God forbid a child you should have 7-14 days. Paid or not I shouldnt be punished for grieving. I am very sorry to hear your dad is gone, I wish you peace. I also know that there are no real words to make it better. So if you need to scream or cry to someone you know where to find me. (Holidays are hard. Be with your mom and enjoy her as we never know how soon anyone can go) blessings and happy holidays to you all.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Yup. this simply sucks. The pain is awful and I am just Jimmy’s brother, you are his daughter who he adored. In one of our conversations I remember Jimmy saying that if your mom ever left him he had told her you were staying with him. He really cherished you. I am a soldier, should be strong, baloney. One thing we ‘nam vets have learned is that it helps to talk about the hurts, so please keep on yelling and screaming. We need our Brandi and we can not fix this, only hold you in our hearts. Walks help me, as being outside calms me, but it has not made this go away.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I gave birth to my first-born son at 22w gestation. He passed away 15 minutes later. I got 3 days. You are not alone in your frustration and anger.

    Like

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