Mommy Undressed

Author: Brandi

  • The Vagina Ledge

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    Brandi
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    I’d like to have a little discussion about my vagina. No, you perverts, not that kind of discussion. She doesn’t do parlor tricks like shooting ping pong balls across the room or lip sink to popular tunes from the 80’s, so don’t get yourselves too worked up from the excitement.  My vagina and I have…

  • I Should Love My Body, But I Don’t

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    Brandi
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    Reasons I should love my body: I gave birth to two amazing human beings. My curves tell a story. At 35 years old, I still turn heads. Every stretch mark and every sag is there for a reason. My body is mine. It’s the one thing I have complete control over. Reasons I don’t love…

  • Cock Swabs and Steamy Penis Creatures

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    Brandi
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    I thought raising a penis person would be easy. I mean seriously, what’s there to know? Yes, there’s that whole spontaneous erection thing and wet dreams, but I didn’t think it would be much more than that. Now men, before you get your boxers in a bunch, I want to start off by saying women…

  • Towanda! And other things I yell while shaving.

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    Brandi
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    I have unwanted body hair. Surprising, I know. It grows in odd places, and at odd lengths. It grows in pairs, and threes, and fours. I even think I have at least a half dozen spurting from a mole on my face. My pubic hair decided to elope with my thigh hair, as my calf…

  • Jack and the Penis Stock

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    Brandi
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    I don’t know about other people’s kids, but mine are always chatty on the car ride to school every morning. By chatty I mean they don’t shut up from the moment I start the car to the moment I push them out the door as we slowly drive by their schools. There are mornings when…

  • Weeee!!!!!!!

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    Brandi
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  • Being A Mom Is Madness

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    Brandi
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    I have to admit, I don’t always enjoy being a mother. In fact, there are some days I absolutely hate it. Those are the days I wish daycare was a 24 hour thing, and you only had to pick them up when you feel like it. The days where all I want to do is…

  • Snowboarding Is For Pussies

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    Brandi
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  • Child Haters Don’t Drink Coffee, Obviously

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    Brandi
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    “Having kids means a family has more love and happiness than other people.” This was according to my eight year old son during his daily morning ramble on the way to school this morning. Naturally, because I am a horrible wonderful mother, I decided to address this grave misunderstanding sentimental view. When I asked for clarification on what he…

  • Dirty Filthy Animal

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    Brandi
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    As a mom I like to pick my battles. “I’ve already told you not to jump on the couch, and I don’t feel like telling you not to trap your sister in the over-sized bucket. Carry on.” “By all means, eat your sandwich in the bathroom, but whatever you do, don’t draw on the table.”…