Man-stration

We all know what happens when you get a group of women working or living together…we all ‘sync up’. Within months we are all on the same cycle! We all go through the needy emotional week of needing constant reinforcement that our asses have not, in fact, grown 2 sizes in the course of one day. Then we all start the homocidal psyco bitch week of hell where all we want to do is slap the wench next to us because she blinked as if she had a fuzz on her eye lash. Because we all know things like that are unacceptable when there is no fuzz present. I’ve been through this hundreds of times. I was in boarding school all through my time in high school and 3 and a half years bobbing around the middle of the ocean in a room full of other women. This is not a new thing for me. Been there, done that, have the scars from the cat fights.

So when BF moved in a few months ago I figured I was safe. There was no longer a need to look for a roommate (female or otherwise), that position was now filled. And the first few months were great! When that needy emotional time came along, he upped the affection. So unusual for a guy. When the homocidal psyco bitch time came along, he slept a little more but with one eye open. And that’s how we got things done, and life was good.

Then a few months back, about March, something happened. While out with friends, BF and I had a smidge of a ‘misunderstanding’. Suddenly we were both about to kill eachother quietly frothing at the bit and looking at each other with daggers in our eyes. WTF was going on? This was totally unlike us. After all we had been through there was no way that this little ‘misunderstanding’ could be causing this much chaos. And it carried on for what seemed like forever a few days. Every time we tried to talk to each other it was useless. We got no where. And to top it all off, we weren’t even having sex! We couldn’t have sex! I was……oh wait……shit……I was currently residing in the homocidal psyco bitch time. So that explained where I was coming from, but what about BF? Seriously, WTF was this guys problem?

This realization didn’t make me feel better about the whole situation. In fact, it made me even angrier. The few months before this BF was totally understanding and left me the hell alone when I was psyco, so why now is he acting like just as much of a bitch as me? Why the hell was he invading MY time? I’m a woman, everything is suposed to be about me remember??? And then all the madness stopped. It felt like someone had placed us back into our happy little bubble as if nothing had ever happened.

A few weeks later I was back in the emotional needy time. As I looked over my shoulder through watery eyes it hit me, so did BF. But he wasn’t emotional and needy, and he definitely wasn’t watery eyed like me. In fact he was quite the oposite. He was emotionless and short and his eyes were vacant. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing! BF was having his man-stration. His ‘cycle’ had synced up with mine.

I always thought that the man-stration was a myth, something made up. But I tell you this now, it’s real. And it’s horrible. I wonder if there is a cure for it. So now, every month, when I need that constant extra attention I have to suck it up and deal with it because there’s no way I’m getting it from BF when he’s having his man-stration. I can only guess that this is yet another one of God’s cruel little jokes. Now I just have to hope and pray that his week of man-stration falls somewhere in the middle of my 2 weeks so we don’t end up killing, or at least seriously maiming each other. If any of you have any information on how to ‘cure’ the man-stration so that I may resume my regularly scheduled emotional needy homocidial psyco bitch cycle please e-mail me at mommyundressed@gmail.com

5 thoughts on “Man-stration

  1. I feel as I need to defend myself on this one. I at the time was going through other issues. Im not saying that males don’t have that time of the because believe me we do! Just to set the record straight. We wernt going to do bodily harm to each other or property damage. But yes we had the no blinking stare down that ended in us laughing. We were no longer on the same page with things let alone the same chapter but the same book atleast. I have learned to step back a bit then to step up. Give that extra swing room that a big rig driver needs when making a narrow right turn you know the kind where they need the far right lane of the on coming traffic type of turn! So in ending no harm no foul! Carry on with your normally scheduled programming

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