Dear Santa,

I know its been a while since I wrote you a Christmas wish list, but I figured that because its been so long you’re more likely to give me at least one thing off my list….please??? If I can get just one of these I promise to sing you ‘Santa Baby’  by the light of my little gum drop Christmas tree.

• Labia reconstruction. I have had 2 kids pass through there resulting in over a total of 30 stitches down there. Pheobe was a human cheese grater and she’s been a pain ever since.

  
  

• Boob job. Like I said before, I’ve had 2 kids. Where once my nipples pointed now they do not. In fact they tend to look more toward my toes, but not quite. I don’t want crazy inflated fake things that sit on my chest like boulders, just a nip and a tuck here and there.

• Lipo Suction. It’s been a rough few months and the gym hasn’t been my top priority. It seems the only shape I’m in lately is round. I dig being curvy, but round is ridiculous.

• Face Lift. I may only be 32 but I look like I’ve been rode hard and put away wet more often than not. The stress of school and single parenting has taken a toll on me and its starting to show. In need of less wrinkles and smoother skin before I look like my grandmother

  
  
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• $500 gift certificate to V.I.P……hey Santa, being an attentive mom to 2 minions means that after working hard I play hard….in the bedroom. Don’t judge me big guy, I know that you and Mrs. Clause get kinky up there in the North Pole. Don’t worry, I won’t tell;)

• Pedicures for a year. I don’t really care about the fancy nail polish with designs, I just want someone to rub my feet once a week without me having to beg for it.

• Manicures for a year. So yeah, here I care about the fancy nail polish with designs. I’m a girl damn it

  
  
  I deserve something pretty!

• I listed the boob job right?

• Hair extensions. I thought I was going to like the short hair again, but truth be told, unless its short and retro it pretty much sucks. I look like a 60’s mom with a bad wig unless I take the time to curl it every damn morning. In short, cutting my hair off meant cutting off my personal sex appeal.

• The entire Dansko collection. I. Love. Those. Damn. Shoes. After a history of stress fractures in my feet and kick ass

  
  
  bunions these are pretty much the only ‘fashionable’ shoes that I can feel ‘hip’ and comfortable in. My feet are easily 20 years older than me.

  
  

So that’s about it Santa. I know that some items are a little more expensive than others, but I’m really willing to accept any of them. I’m not picky just expensive.

I don’t know if I mentioned my rendition of ‘Santa Baby’ for you if I get something off my list…did I mention that? Just checking.

Love and Kisses- Mommy Undressed