Choking On Makeshift Fairy Dust and Dressed in Pretty Princess Costumes

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It’s hard to believe that my little house, affectionately called The Redneck Palace, is slowly transitioning form a house of snakes and snails and puppy dog tails to sugar and spice and everything nice.

For the past 5 years Theo has, essentially, been the man of the house. This has meant match box cars, dinosaurs, toy guns, and blocks. Even after the addition of the Devil Wears Pig Tails, aka Pheobe, he has kept a more or less dominant theme going throughout the house. The addition of BF added to this with a larger than life TV (my gift to him), Xbox, and a gun safe pretty much sealed the deal.

I’m not very girly, at all, except when I’m naked… can’t hide the girly bits then so my influence actually steers toward things like bull riding, NASCAR, mud pies, and climbing trees. Although I am obsessed love glitter, I am far from making my house come anything close to resembling a snow globe and am saddened by my lack of ambition to paint my eye lids with the wondrous invention. So when BF’s 2 beautiful daughters were FINALLY allowed to spend time at our house , a long story which involves a wicked with, a yellow brick road, some flying monkeys and 1000 munchkins……oops, wrong story , I was beside myself and had to be restrained from spending the grocery money at JoAnn Fabrics and Michaels.

There was FINALLY going to be a touch of the female entity in my house!!! Raise the roof and hire a marching band!!! And I was ok with this up until about an hour ago when I bought Pheobe a pretty little day bed frame. Suddenly I realized that my entryway will now be half filled with embellished sparkly shoes half the week, 2/3 of my laundry will be pink, the sound of giggles will fill the air, and I will probably end up breaking my neck on the influx of Barbie Dolls and ‘babies’ flooding the floors.

I closed my eyes for a minute to catch my breath after this realization and almost had a panic attack when my mind fast forwarded to their high school years. Suddenly I envision BF and I dressed in full camo, one of us perched in a tree for areal control and the other under the truck as a first line of defence, with paint guns as one (or God forbid all 3) come home from a date with a boy just as the clock strikes curfew. And yes, I’ll be that mom.

What in the world did I sign up for when I first brought BF coffee almost 2 years ago??? Although I have always had pipe dreams of becoming a ‘lady’ and looking fancy, pretty sure the closest I’ve ever come is doing fancy things that ladies of the night do…but for free….and only with BF I’m not quite sure how I’m going to be able to handle ‘full time’ girls stuff in my house. So what I’m doing now is shoving match box cars in my bra, smearing mud on my face and fashioning a suit of armor out of empty beer cans readying myself for the full on battle with glitter drenched Barbies and embellished Lelli Kelly shoes.

I’m not sure how this battle will turn out in the end, but I’m almost certain that it will look something like Theo, BF and I cowering in a corner choking on makeshift fairy dust and dressed in pretty princess costumes. Wish me luck folks, this could get messy!

One thought on “Choking On Makeshift Fairy Dust and Dressed in Pretty Princess Costumes

  1. Oh, good luck.

    I have an aunt & uncle who had four boys – and they all either haven’t married yet or married people who were relative tomboys. And then the oldest had two boys.

    The aunt – she wanted a girl – so very badly.

    Then the second oldest & his wife were expecting a girl. And then the uncle started spending more & more time at my house . . . because, dammit, his house became pink as soon as the whiff of a baby shower hit.

    Glitter scares the shit out of me. As does the fact that my little girl just seemed to start enjoying wearing tutus. She enjoys beating the crap out of her brother, and other things that aren’t, necessarily, “girly,” and, until recently, it seemed to be that she wouldn’t be all too girly.

    But, then my son started loving having his fingernails & toenails painted. *sigh*

    (note that I have no issues with either child enjoying nail polish . . . it’s just nail polish itself that I lament)


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