To all the wonderful people who use the toilet on a regular basis,

Did you know that when a toilet is flushes, particles (fecal matter) fly up to six feet away through the air? With that being said, women, put the lid down after you piddle in the potty. Men, put the seat AND the lid down after you drain the snake. I don’t want your urine all over the bathroom, and I sure as shit don’t want your shit on my toothbrush…or anything else I have to touch. If you’re sitting there thinking, “Huh, what if I don’t flush after I visit  the porcelain thrown?” My response? Unless you have faulty toilet, or are a serious water conversationalist, I don’t want to see waste that comes from your nether regions. Your piss stinks, flush it.

I should also mention that I am an absolute idiot in the bathroom, and have serious blonde tendencies when I am on a mission to turn my bladder into a deflated balloon. I will sit my pink ass down on that yellow and brown stained toilet rim, and fall right in to abyss  known as the toilet bowl. Then I end up having your shit on my sweet ass. Ain’t no body got time for that!

So, if you would be so kind, please close that toilet up like you are shutting the refrigerator door after you put the milk carton you just drank out of back. Yes, I know you’re a milk heathen, I’ve watched you.

Thank you,

The woman who went into the bathroom after you