Author: Brandi
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And A Bottle Saying “Drink Me” In The Other
I have somehow found myself falling deep into the rabbit hole of the Paleo world. I know, I know, welcome to the club, mother fucker. When I first started on this little journey, I wasn’t quite prepared for what was in store for me. There’s so much preparation and attention to detail that goes into…
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Back to School and Shitty Shoes
I’m not sure what it is about new shoes that gets kids so excited. You buy them clothes and they shrug it off as they mumble something about “more new clothes, yuck.” You buy them new shoes and it’s like you just brought home rocket boosters. Coolest thing EVER!!! You could have the most tired…
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That Is Definitely NOT A Garden Shed!
The morning commute in my car is never short of interesting. Especially when it so accurately details the different ways my kids’ brains work. Theo: Look!!! Pheobe: *GASP* A garden shed!!! Theo: No, it’s a hawk! Look! Pheobe: Yeah…no. I’m pretty sure it’s a garden shed. It’s a little house…in a garden…soooo…it’s a garden shed.…
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Baconator Fries Cause Disappointment and Sadness
Dear Wendy’s, It’s a common known fact that women tend to crave certain foods during different points in their lives. When I was pregnant with my son, I craved butter. With my daughter it was sour cream. I may or may not have subjected myself to eating both with a spoon out of a tub. With…
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No Escalator? No good.
This summer my kids became “world” travelers. Jetsetting across the United States from the East Coast to the West, they quickly adapted to air travel. People bringing them snacks and drinks as they watched movies with their trays down and seats back, life in the sky was good. On the ground they enjoyed the mall-like…
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Did You Know You Have A Hole In Your Butt?
“Pheobe, did you know you have a hole in your butt?” “Yeah, duh. Everyone has a hole in their butt, even cats.” “But did you know that’s where your butt penis is?” “Um…I don’t have a butt penis.” “I’m totally joking, it’s where your poop comes out.” I have nothing else I can add to…
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My Vagina’s Pronoun is “She”
When I talk about my vagina I refer to it as “she” and “her”. I understand this is not “normal” behavior, but it’s my behavior, and I’m ok with that. I can’t tell you how many times people have asked me why I refer to my vagina as her own person. Don’t judge me. My answer…
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Oysters, Fortresses, And Love
I met a man in my early twenties while shopping at LL Bean. He was, simply put, gorgeous. He had eyes that could reach way down inside of you, and lips you couldn’t help but want to kiss. To my surprise, he asked me for my phone number. A week later we had our first…
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Driving Into The New England Stereotype
I did it. I hate to admit it, but I did it. I’ve joined the club of soccer moms, obsessed with their kid’s athletic abilities. The moms who delay the drop off/pick up process every day at school. I’ve become a Birkenstock wearing, earth loving, hippie. Someone who covers every last inch of their bumper…
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Drop Off Line Twats
I long for the day when the drop off line at school is nothing but a distant memory. When I can sit back and reminisce about all the times I almost got out of my car and stabbed people for treating the drop off line like the entryway to their house. When I can rejoice…
Mommy Undressed 