To My Son On His Birthday

To my son on his birthday,

It’s still hard to believe that just eight years ago you came into my life. A quiet little baby, you were put into my arms; swaddled and still. I promised you on that day I would do everything in my power to protect you and help you grow into a man. I know it hasn’t always been easy, and we don’t always see eye to eye, but you have been my greatest love. Not a day goes by where I don’t think of how wonderful you are, and how lucky I am to be able to call you “son”. As I watch you grow I worry if I’m doing everything I can to teach you what you need to know, and to give you the love and support you need.

As a mother it is hard to let your children venture out into the world when you’re not holding their hand. What if something happens when I’m not around? Do you know what to do? Have I taught you enough for you to get by? The answer is, I don’t know. It’s not because I haven’t taught you, or that you’re not capable of doing it. It’s because the world is ever changing, and I will never be able to teach you everything there is to know about everything. The best I can do is to teach you the difference between what’s right, and what’s wrong; between love and hate; and to follow what you feel is best. It’s up to you to take what I have taught you, and use it in a way that will help you in any situation you may come across. I won’t always be by your side to guide you and hold your hand. I won’t always be there to kiss you goodnight or hug you good morning. But I will always be with you in spirit.

I know you’re only 8 years old, but I want you to remember these simple rules in life. They may not seem like much now (and not nearly as exciting as a new Lego set) but when you get older, they will get you through some of the toughest times.

  1. Always be yourself. Even if you are wearing a uniform alongside a thousand other people, no one can ever be you.
  2. Know who you really are. This may be one of the most difficult things in life to master.
  3. You’re not always right. When you’re wrong, admit it. Admitting you’re wrong is one of the bravest things you can ever do.
  4. Love with your whole heart. It’s going to hurt like hell when you lose love, but you can’t let that stop you from loving completely.
  5. Compliment often. Too many people in this world are too concerned with themselves, and don’t take the time to let others know they care.
  6. Appreciate those around you. I know it doesn’t seem like it now, but life is short. You never know when the person next to you will be gone.
  7. Be grateful for what you have. Always want the best in life, but don’t ever lose sight of everything you already have. Life itself is a gift, remember that.
  8. Say “Thank You”. It doesn’t matter if someone gave you a gift or just dusted a fly off your shoulder, say “thank you” and smile.
  9. Never forget where you came from. You can never change it, and it is what makes you who you are.
  10. Say I love you, even when you’re mad. When you wake up (because bringing in a new day with those you love is wonderful), when you go to bed (because one of you might not wake up the next morning), and most importantly, before you leave for the day (because death can come in the blink of an eye, it may be the last thing you ever say to them).

You are becoming such an amazing young man. I hope these rules will help guide you to be even more amazing. Never give up on yourself or stop believing you make a difference. I will love you to the end of time, and back. Happy birthday.

Love always,

Mommy

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The First And The Last

There’s something about your first born that will always hold a special place in your heart. You will never forget the moment you first looked into their eyes or their first steps. As they grow up every moment is magical. You’re in constant amazement about what they do, what they accomplish. The first report card. The first art project brought home. Even the first bad report home from school. Life became a magnificent adventure the moment your first born entered the world. When I look at my son every day I see me in him; his facial expressions, his laughter, even his emotions. He is an extension of me, yet so much his own person. Serious and meticulous. Perfectionist and realist. At 7 years old he has already taken on so much of the world. He’s my little soldier who will grow into a wonderful man some day.

Your first born brings you magic, but your last born (regardless of if they’re your second of fifth) will always bring you heart ache. Not the heart ache you feel when you lose a loved one. It’s the heart ache of knowing you will never have these moments again. When you first look into their eyes or watch them take their first steps, it’s the last time you will ever experience those moments again. This little person is trying to catch up with their older sibling so everything goes by faster as if it is a race for the finish line. Each day is a competition of who can be the funniest, the saddest, and get mom’s attention. As you listen to the laughter and dry the tears you want to cherish each moment, but you can’t because they are already two moments ahead of you.

Every time you reach out to hold on to the baby they once were, you’re reminded that you will never have another baby. Your sleepless nights are over, and there are no more diapers to change. No more breastfeeding. No more sweet baby cuddles. You ask yourself if you did everything you could to cherish each of those moments. Question if you will remember them forever. Your heart breaks the more you think of all their firsts that have become your lasts.

This is how I feel every March 19th as my last born turns another year older. I watch her go through the house like a tornado, and it makes me smile as a tear rolls down my face. She’s getting so big. In just 5 short years she has become her own person. So strong. So independent. So damn stubborn. As her once chubby cheeks melt away, a beautiful girl emerges and I want push her back to when she was one. She has a purse full of make up that I secretly want to throw away in the middle of the night and replace with a binky. I want to close my eyes and open them to see a sleeping baby in a crib, not a little girl, with glitter remnants on her face, sleeping on a twin sized mattress.

I can’t believe 5 years has gone by already; that I am five years further away from the baby I first held in my arms. I’ll never get those years back. I’ll never feel that same joy again. Today my heart breaks because my baby turns 5, but today I smile because I have raised that baby to be the little girl she is today. Some day she will grow up to be a beautiful woman next to her handsome brother, and all the magic and heartache will make sense.

 

Being a Mom Means…

Being a mom means:

Being a Lego master and a fortune-teller.

A doctor and a wash maid.

A Mario expert and a cab driver.

A story-teller and a magician.

A human tissue and a dance party dj.

Being a mom means:

Staying up late on ‘date night’ only to get  up before the sun for couch cuddles.

Learning how to make pasta with butter 6 different ways to stimulate your senses but trick your kids.

Remembering to bathe your eczema ridden child BEFORE she starts to smell.

Making the grey areas come as close to black or white for your linear child.

Removing the make-up from your purse to make room for crayons.

Being a mom means:

Having sex in the bathroom because the bedroom is too obvious.

Having a locked box for your sex toys and porn.

Being able to make any sex position look like “mommy is just stretching”.

Putting an all new meaning to the term ‘quickie’.

Being a mom means:

Nighttime kisses.

Lullabies.

Morning snuggles.

After school hugs.

Couch cuddles.

I love you’s.

Being a mom means:

Watching what you thought were your best years fade into what you know are going to be your best years.

Loving little people with your heart and soul as they become big people.

Being you and letting them be them.

Hoping you are doing as good of a job as your mother did.

Happy Mother’s Day to all my fellow mothers and mothers-to-be. Hug your children every day because it’s the best gift you could ever give each other.
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Dear Minions, Mommy does not like sharing….

Dear Minions,

As your mother I am fully aware that you are around germs all day. You are surrounded by all your disgusting filthy little friends day in and day out. You stick your fingers in each other’s noses and touch in each other’s faces. You share cups even after your teachers told you not to, and ‘forget’ to wash your hands after the bathroom. Then you come home and insist on getting in my face and sticking your disgusting little fingers in my mouth. You cough on me. You sneeze on me. And I’m pretty sure one of you just licked me as the other one stuck a finger up my nose. Oh, and look…now I have to go wipe someone’s butt.

Let it be known that mommy has never been a fan of people being in her personal space other than for ‘recreational’ reasons, and all this poking and mucus sharing isn’t helping any. I understand that you have both been sick this past week, and I understand that you have needed extra love, but for fucks sake you really need to back away from mommy’s face before I get *achoo* shit damn hell you little bastards sick. I don’t mind having a nibble of your half eaten potato chip or having a sip of your backwash filled juice because you said you made it yourself, but this crazy illness that you’ve brought home is where I draw the line.

So unless you plan on  giving me my medicine every 4 to 6 hours and getting up with me in the middle of the night, I suggest you keep your grubby little paws to yourself. And if you could please refrain from coughing in my face that would be great too, or I’ll have no choice but to pull a Michael Jackson on you and force you to wear surgical masks everywhere we go. On that note, mommy loves you now and forever.

Love, Mo*achoo* Come here you little demon!