Mommy Undressed

Category: Mom Fails

  • He Took One Thing, My Confidence

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    by

    Brandi
    in

    22 years ago next month, a man came into my house and changed my life forever. He wasn’t a friend. He wasn’t a family member. To me, he was a complete stranger. He was my best friend’s drug dealer. His name was Scott. He was 22. I was 14. At 14 you’re pretty sure that…

  • Today I Am Worth It

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    Brandi
    in , , ,

    In the past two and a half years I have put on almost 20 pounds. I now find myself jiggling in places I haven’t felt jiggle since my daughter was born. When I walk, my ass looks like it’s bumpin’ at the club, and my sides wiggle  like they’re being tickled. Don’t even get me…

  • Your Shit on My Sweet Ass

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    Brandi
    in

    To all the wonderful people who use the toilet on a regular basis, Did you know that when a toilet is flushes, particles (fecal matter) fly up to six feet away through the air? With that being said, women, put the lid down after you piddle in the potty. Men, put the seat AND the…

  • Today, I am loved.

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    Brandi
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    Today someone told me they loved me. Today someone told me I was brave. Today someone told me they admired my honesty. Today someone told me it was ok that I fuck up. Today someone made a difference in my life because I was ready to curl up into a hole and accept defeat. This…

  • I Like To Confuse My Children

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    Brandi
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    Today’s bus note, proof of my bad parenting.

  • Grey hair and Perky Boobs

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    Brandi
    in

    My mother is beautiful, inside and out. She has amazing skin, which is unbelievably soft, and only three grey hairs. She was truly blessed in the “aging gracefully” category of life. When she turned 60 she got her first hair. It was almost like she gave up and told Mother Nature, “Alright, fine. Go ahead…

  • Things You Want To Say To Your Kids, But Can’t

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    Brandi
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    We’ve all been there. That moment where we teeter on the brink of saying the worst thing ever something inappropriate to our children. We get lost in the heat of the moment. Tight lipped, we inhale sharply through our nose as we prepare to let loose on our unsuspecting, yet deserving, child. Suddenly, at the…

  • The Worst Mommy EVER!!!

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    Brandi
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    I’ve concluded that I am the worst parent ever…as in EVER! My kids may or may not have told me this a time or two. I try not to compare myself to other parents, and I certainly try not to compare my kids to other kids. However, living in the “well to do” area that…

  • Kids Do Stupid Things…I Make Them

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    Brandi
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    I ask my kids to do stupid things. I’m a mom, that’s my job, it’s what I do. I understand that kids have an easy enough time embarrassing themselves, but I often feel the need to aid in this process. I blame my mother 100%. The number of times my mother has embarrassed me by…

  • Back to School and Shitty Shoes

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    Brandi
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    I’m not sure what it is about new shoes that gets kids so excited. You buy them clothes and they shrug it off as they mumble something about “more new clothes, yuck.” You buy them new shoes and it’s like you just brought home rocket boosters. Coolest thing EVER!!! You could have the most tired…