Mommy Undressed

Category: Mom Fails

  • Zombie Elephants And Other Whatnots

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    Brandi
    in

    As parents we want our kids to dream of wonderment and adventures. We want them to have dreams they are so excited for, they want to act them out all day in the back yard. This is honestly how I thought parenting would be. When I was pregnant I dreamed of waking up with my…

  • Talk Shows And Parenting Don’t Mix

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    Brandi
    in

    I’m not an uptight parent. I don’t over sensor myself in front of my kids, I don’t lock the bathroom door when I’m in there, and I walk around the house in my underwear when my kids are awake. They have heard me swear although I try not to and they have seen me naked they will…

  • Turd Burglar

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    Brandi
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    Turd Burglar. Go ahead, laugh. You know you want to. There is something about that phrase that, even as adults, we can’t help but laugh. No matter what definition you use, it’s funny. Even if you don’t know what it means, you laugh. Maybe it sounds funny. Maybe it brings out the 12 year old in…

  • The Motherhood Is An Evil Bitch

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    Brandi
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    I don’t take good care of myself. I mean I shower, brush my teeth, keep my hemroids at bay, and wear clean clothing…so don’t start looking at me cross eyed and be thankful the internet doesn’t have a “smell” option. I don’t stink and I can’t imagine kissing me is a horrible experience I keep my halotosis at…

  • Shaving, Kids, and Camping Don’t Mix

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    Brandi
    in ,

    It’s no secret that I am the hairiest woman you will ever meet hairy. In the past 4 months every mole on my body has decided to sprout at least one absurdly long hair from them. This includes moles on my thighs, neck, and butt. Yes, even on my butt. Then you add my ever…

  • Bear Attacks and Free Children

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    Brandi
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    As parents we can’t help but love our children all the time at least until they grow up and become ass holes. We spend countless hours rocking them to sleep and kissing their boo-boos. We wipe snot from their noses and clean up their vomit. We wipe their butts and scrape their dinner from the…

  • This Is Not My Underwear

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    Brandi
    in ,

    I am not a morning person. I get up around 5:30 during the week and I hate it. I don’t pop out of bed singing and greeting pretty little blue birds. Squirells don’t pounce on my bed with excitement to say good morning. In fact I’m pretty sure all woodland creatures hear my alarm go…

  • Nipples and Nudity: Happy Mother’s Day

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    Brandi
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    Anyone who knows me knows that I am a bit left of center and blew the word ‘unique’ out of the water. So this Mother’s Day I feel that I should pay homage to my mother and grandmother who made me this way. So sit back and relax, I’m about to tell you how it…

  • I Have 3 Cats?

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    Brandi
    in

    I’m not a big fan of cleaning in general anymore much to BF’s dismay. But I do it as rarely as possible because I have to. Yesterday BF went on a cleaning frenzy which he only seems to do when he’s sick and I was told that on Sunday we were cleaning our bedroom.*cue crickets*…

  • Little Golden Arches

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    Brandi
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    Penis envy. It’s something us women know all to well. You men have it so easy with the exception of random hard ons being able to stand up and pee. You can pretty much whip it out and pee where ever you damn well please. From trees, to the backs of buildings, to side alleys.…