I have vibrators. Lots of them. I like them. There, I said it and now you know. I have a bit of a collection, most of which I don’t use. Impulse buys don’t always turn out the way you hope. They add spice to the bedroom as well as spice to alone time. Instead of collecting magnets when I travel, I collect vibrators. Seriously think states should start making state labeled vibrators. Sell them in gift shops. So needless to say, I use them on a regular basis. And I have received no complaint from BF about ‘sharring the bedroom’. So here I am a vibrator obsessed   vibrator owner with a ‘healthy’ collection of toys. I’m sure you can see where this story is going….or can you?

The minions go with the donor twice a week until 7pm. This leaves me the perfect time to wash said vibrators (which I do often) and let them air dry. Usually on these days the donor brings the kids home, and texts me when he’s in the driveway. This gives me time to put the vibrators away, as in away, away so that little people can’t find them. Last night was one of those nights where the cleaning could commence and all will be right in the world. But wait, change of plans. BF was working a double where he wouldn’t be home from 3pm that day until 8am the next morning. So I did as every nice GF would do, I made him a huge dinner to last him 2 shifts and brought it to his work.

In my head, at the time, it made sense to bring him dinner and pick the kids up from the donor (who now lives 3 doors down from BF’s work). So that was the new plan for the evening followed by a trip to Wally World.

Dinner: check

Minions: check

Wally World: check

Hey look, a change of schedule and all is right in the world still. Win. When we get home I help the kids into the house, take off their shoes and coats and turn the lights on. I then turn on my heals to head back out to the car to get the stuff from Wally World. When I come back up from the car I could hear rapid thumping coming from inside in the hallway and fits of giggles coming from both kids. Two sets of giggles means everyone is ok so what’s that noi……..SHIT! I swing open the door to find both kids standing over to vibrators dancing around the wood hall floor on high cheering them on like it’s a dog fight. Major mom fail! “Mommy!” exclaims Theo, “Your ear cleaners!” Yup, MAJOR MOM FAIL!!!

I swoop in like a maniac an eagle and grab up the 2 frantic vibrators, turn them off, and head back outside. So about everything being right in the world? Fail, fail, fail. Now to remember where I put those vibrators after I went back outside. I need a stress relief.