Author: Brandi
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Not Going Anywhere
About a month ago I decided to shut down Mommy Undressed. My kids were a little older and I no longer had poop stories or sleepless nights to talk about. I had been in a relationship with a man who more or less hated my blog and it sucked the fun out of me making fun…
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Valentine’s Day Bull Shit
Ok, so you hate Valentine’s Day…we get it. Someone pissed in your Cheerios and now you’re all kinds of upset. It sucks to be you, truly. All you have done for the past week is bitch and complain about how single you are, how you won’t get any presents, how stupid the cards are, and…
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OES: Old Egg Syndrome
I need to explain something to all of you. It’s something I feel goes unnoticed on a daily basis by the majority of people, but it’s plaguing more than most people realize. I’ve only just come to terms with the fact that I myself am struggling with it on a daily basis. Because it is…
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I Don’t Need to Feel Beautiful to be a Mother
I don’t feel beautiful anymore. I don’t even feel pretty. The word “attractive” doesn’t cross my mind unless I’m thinking about Mike Rowe or Bruce Willis. That’s a lie, the word “hot” crosses my mind when I think about them. “Fucking Hot,” to be exact. So no, I don’t feel beautiful or pretty. I feel…average.…
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You’re Fucking Wrong
For those poor, suffering parents of unruly bedtime toddlers who think “Go The Fuck to Sleep” was written for you, guess what? You’re fucking wrong. Look, we’ve all been through the toddler years, and everyone knows they are the worst years in the history of ever. They don’t want to get in the bath. They…
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He Took One Thing, My Confidence
22 years ago next month, a man came into my house and changed my life forever. He wasn’t a friend. He wasn’t a family member. To me, he was a complete stranger. He was my best friend’s drug dealer. His name was Scott. He was 22. I was 14. At 14 you’re pretty sure that…
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Today I Am Worth It
In the past two and a half years I have put on almost 20 pounds. I now find myself jiggling in places I haven’t felt jiggle since my daughter was born. When I walk, my ass looks like it’s bumpin’ at the club, and my sides wiggle like they’re being tickled. Don’t even get me…
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Your Shit on My Sweet Ass
To all the wonderful people who use the toilet on a regular basis, Did you know that when a toilet is flushes, particles (fecal matter) fly up to six feet away through the air? With that being said, women, put the lid down after you piddle in the potty. Men, put the seat AND the…
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Today, I am loved.
Today someone told me they loved me. Today someone told me I was brave. Today someone told me they admired my honesty. Today someone told me it was ok that I fuck up. Today someone made a difference in my life because I was ready to curl up into a hole and accept defeat. This…
Mommy Undressed 