Mommy Undressed

Author: Brandi

  • Bear Attacks and Free Children

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    Brandi
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    As parents we can’t help but love our children all the time at least until they grow up and become ass holes. We spend countless hours rocking them to sleep and kissing their boo-boos. We wipe snot from their noses and clean up their vomit. We wipe their butts and scrape their dinner from the…

  • Princess Ninja

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    Brandi
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    When the ultrasound tech looked at me and told me I was having a boy I could have shit myself in excitement. One of my biggest fears when I first found out I was pregnant was that I would have a girl. Camping I know about. Getting dirty I know about. Superheroes I know about.…

  • What Happened To Imagination?

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    Brandi
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    -Two hard plastic kiddie pools -Two plastic lawn chairs -One slide shaped like an elephant -One toddler swing set with a slide -Three five gallon buckets -One broken plastic flower pot -About 100 puka shells scattered about -Three bikes -One tow behind for a bike…..without wheels -One garden hose -64oz of liquid bubble bath -Four…

  • Silver Spoons and Summer People

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    Brandi
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    This is actually a re-post of a guest post I did last year for one of my favorite fellow bloggers, Daddy Runs A Lot. With summer quickly approaching us it seemed fitting to put it back out there. The town where I come from isn’t for everyone. It’s the coast of Maine but it’s not…

  • Being a Mom Means…

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    Brandi
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    Being a mom means: Being a Lego master and a fortune-teller. A doctor and a wash maid. A Mario expert and a cab driver. A story-teller and a magician. A human tissue and a dance party dj. Being a mom means: Staying up late on ‘date night’ only to get  up before the sun for…

  • Wordless Wednesday

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    Brandi
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  • My Sexual Assault Story

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    Brandi
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    I don’t know what prompted me to sit down and write about this today. I just sat down at the table….and started writing. I’ve told plenty of people about my sexual past, the good and the bad, but I’ve never actually sat down and wrote about it. I think I was scared if I wrote…

  • Hell Tacos

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    Brandi
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    I can’t tell you why the donor ever decided to get double box springs for the Queen sized bed he purchased back in the summer of 2006. It was a Queen sized bed. A Queen. Not a King. Not a California King. A Queen. We weren’t sleeping in some vast luxury bed needing the latest…

  • A Little Preview of What’s to Come

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    Brandi
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    It’s been a while since I last blogged. A long while. It’s not for not having anything to blog about. There are plenty of things to blog about when you’re a parent. I have an endless library of stories to tell people filed away in my brain library. At any given time I can rattle…

  • This Is Not My Underwear

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    Brandi
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    I am not a morning person. I get up around 5:30 during the week and I hate it. I don’t pop out of bed singing and greeting pretty little blue birds. Squirells don’t pounce on my bed with excitement to say good morning. In fact I’m pretty sure all woodland creatures hear my alarm go…